Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Fear is a powerful motivator. It can make a person do nearly anything. I sit here tonight and contemplate my fears. I have been afraid to do many things. Afraid that failure was going to be inevitable or that significance would be so trivial. These fears kept me from doing things I should have, and going places I should have. I think of fear and how when faced it is never as bad as we create in our minds. I face fear on a daily basis and put up my best fight. More often than not I feel as though I lose that battle. I still strive to at least put up a fight. They say that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. I take this to mean that whatever "misery" or hard times we have in our life, it is easier to deal with those to maintain the familiar then to escape to an unknown devil and the leave the problems or fear but be faced with the unfamiliar. I see this in America with unemployment and poverty and I have learned that it is the same here in Europe. People are choosing to stay in the "devil they know" or unemployment rather than pack up and follow the jobs. There may be work to be had but people find themselves too afraid to face the devil. Facing the devil is an agonizing battle that eats away at me daily. I sit here alone and agonize nearly in pain with my longing and desires for the familiar, with my want to feel safe. I chose this, the unknown devil, because I hope that I can make it pay off and be far more rewarding than the simple familiar could have. In learning that it is a worldly problem and not just one that I have had and have been witness to nearly all my life I do not find a solution or a way to make it easier but I am trusting that the facing of my devils lead to a new familiar and a new found strength.

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